


Always Remember Us This Way

by greengrlelphie



Series: Heal Me [1]
Category: A Star is Born (2018)
Genre: Aftermath, Loss, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-11-15 08:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18069902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengrlelphie/pseuds/greengrlelphie
Summary: Prequel to Tell Me About Him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prequel to my other fic, Tell Me About Him.

Two weeks, five days, eight hours, and forty-three minutes.  
  
That’s how long it had been since Ally had lost the love of her life. She had been secluded in her home most of that time, barely eating and curled up in Jack’s shirts. All of them still smelled like him. Every last one. Ramon and her Dad had been coming by, hoping to get her to eat something. The girls from the drag bar all came over to try and get her up. Even Bobby. But eating felt like a chore and she hardly had an appetite to speak of.   
  
Her body hurt from the pain and it felt like a piece of her had been ripped out. Why had Jack done this? Wasn’t he doing better? That was the lingering question in her mind. Had she done something or said something that hurt him? She kept going over every single thing in her mind and nothing made sense. And it hurt like hell. Bobby said it was Jack’s fault and not hers, but she also felt responsible too because she had not been there for him when he needed her. If she hadn’t been at that concert, maybe he would still be here with her.   
  
Ally woke up from one of her longer sleeping spells, glancing at the clock and seeing it was past noon. She sat up and immediately was hit with a wave of nausea. Running to the bathroom, she emptied what little was in her stomach and flushed the toilet. Nausea wasn’t anything she hadn’t been dealing with the last few weeks, but it was getting progressively less fun each time. When she put the lid down, she sat on top and looked over at the sink and the calendar she had beside the mirror. The circled date caught her attention. Her period. She was late. Over a week and a half late.   
  
Running to the bedroom, she grabbed her phone and turned it on. Forty-three missed calls, over a hundred text messages, and over fifty emails, most of which were from Rez. She didn’t care. She pulled up Ramon’s texts.   
  
_I need a huge favor._ _  
_ _  
_ _Anything Mama._ _  
_ _  
_ _I need you to pick up a pregnancy test and bring it to the house._ _  
_ _  
_ _Pregnancy test?!_ _  
_ _  
_ _Please. I’m late. Like over a week late._ _  
_ _  
_ _I’ll be there in a half hour._   
  
Putting her phone down, she ran her hand through her hair. She and Jack were never shy about their sex life. They had sex almost every night, especially after he came home from rehab because they had missed one another so much. They had used condoms and she was on the pill. But something had obviously gone awry. She tried to think about the last week with Jack and realized that they had gone without the condom almost every time because it felt so good. Even the morning of...when they were in the shower and he decided to pin her against the wall. And she had probably forgotten her pill a few times here and there because of everything that was going on. But now she was almost sure she was pregnant.

A million things went through her mind as she thought about the possibility of having a baby. She was a widow and didn’t have the love of her life beside her doing this, like she had hoped to do someday. And she was going to be a single mother in one of the most unforgiving industries for women, which made her anxiety even worse. Rez was going to flip, if not completely lose it, because of all the things that had been going on with her lately. But none of this was really his choice or his business since he was not personally involved. The thought crossed her mind as she waited of if she could even do this. Go through a pregnancy alone and have a baby. Be a single mother to a child that came from the man she loved more than anything. What if she had a son and he looked just like Jack? How would she even explain to her child what happened to their father? The questions kept on coming as Ally ran to the bathroom again and emptied the water from her stomach she had drank.

  
Ramon arrived about a half an hour later and brought in a brown paper bag for her. She took out the test and looked at him. Her clothes, Jack’s shirt, were baggy on him. She had lost weight, but she managed a small smile.   
  
“Thank you,” she said.   
  
“You know I’m always here,” he replied, hugging her. “Go take the test and we’ll figure this out.”   
  
Nodding, she went into her bathroom and shut the door behind her and took a deep breath. She took the test and then sat it on the counter to wait. Less than a minute later, the test results popped up and she gasped. Tears filled her eyes as she picked it up and looked at it to confirm what she was seeing. She opened the door and looked at Ramón with tears in her eyes.   
  
“I’m pregnant,” she said aloud, her voice faltering as the weight of it hit her all at once.   
  
“Oh Mama,” he said, coming over and hugging her.   
  
“I’m having a baby...and he’s not here,” she sobbed, holding onto her best friend. “I’m pregnant and he’s never going to see our baby.”   
  
Ally continued to cry as Ramón held her. He had been one of the biggest rocks she had during this entire time and she knew that he was here for her. She cried for a while before sitting down on the couch. A baby was growing inside of her and she had no idea what she was doing. In the midst of all of the grief and hell she had been through, the first glimmer of any hope. Even if she was terrified and had no idea what she was doing, she knew that she could never even think of not doing this. A small piece of brightness in the world of hell she had been living in for the last few weeks. But it came as bittersweet because this baby would never know his or her father. The man Ally loved and missed with every fiber of her being.   
  
“What can I do?” her friend asked, sitting beside her.   
  
“I...need to get in touch with a doctor. I’m gonna need prenatal care and...I don’t want to go alone.”   
  
“I’ll be there, no matter what you need,” Ramon promised. “You aren’t gonna do this alone.”   
  
“This is all I have left of him.” The only piece of her husband still here was this baby. And she was going to make sure he or she was loved and knew how wanted they were after all she had been through.   
  
“You’re gonna be a damn good mom. And you have all of us to be here for you. Me, the girls, your Dad, and Bobby. We are all gonna be here for you and the baby.”   
  
Ally managed a small smile and hugged him. She still wished Jack was with her. She wanted him to be here and to see this...to know that he had created this beautiful thing with her. Her heart longed for him to have been here to see the test and to be here to rub her belly as it grew and feel the baby kicking inside of her. To cuss and laugh about putting together furniture and chase Charlie out of the nursery while they were trying to paint. And to hold her hand when she gave birth to their child. But he was gone and she was still coming to grips with that reality.   
  
“Jack and I...we had a conversation about having a baby, once, when he got out of rehab. He brought it up...asked if I wanted kids,” she said, remembering that conversation like it happened yesterday. “I told him that I did, but not until we were ready. He said he had thought about it but was scared shitless that he would be a bad father because of his dad. I told him he would be better. He would love our kids.”   
  
“Jack had flaws, but not one of them was loving you, Ally. And he would love this baby.”   
  
“I had been wondering what the point of me still being here was...after the funeral and everything,” she admitted. Everyone knew and had been worried she would do something. “I wanted to be with him because my career and everything else meant nothing because I didn’t have him to share it with. But now...now I do have something. Someone who needs me to get better.”

Ramon nodded, “I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through. And I know that the pain of losing someone is unimaginable. But Jack would never want you to leave this world. He always said that you’re too important because you always have something to say.”

Ramon was right. Jack had told her that the important part about being a songwriter was having something to say that people wanted to listen to. And she had lost sight of that whenever Rez and the industry took over, forming her into someone that she knew she wasn’t. A week after Jack died, right before his funeral, she had dyed her hair back to its natural color. Of course, her management team flipped, but she told them to fuck off because she was a grieving widow and wanted to do things her own way.

“The first song I ever told him about was Shallow. He believed in me right from the start,” she said, wiping some of her tears.

“And he would believe in you now,” her friend reminded her, reaching over and taking her hand.

Ally bit her bottom lip and then nodded, taking a deep, but shaky breath. “I can do this. I’m going to have a baby and I’m going to live again.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ally stood in the bathroom, staring at the mirror as she looked over her outfit for the fifth time. A simple shirt and capri leggings that fit well enough to hide the fact that she was now showing and her boobs had grown. She was fourteen weeks pregnant and her body had gone through some major changes in the last week and a half. And she still had not even announced her pregnancy to anyone outside of family, including her manager, which she was dreading. Rez was not exactly the most forgiving when it came to any changes in her body. But this was not his decision or any concern of his because it was her family. Her baby. Her choice.

Her Dad had been so supportive and thrilled to be a grandfather. He had even stayed over a few nights to help her with the nausea and morning sickness early in the pregnancy. Bobby had also been supportive and promised to be a good uncle for her baby. He swore to do right because it was Jack’s baby and he would do everything for him or her he couldn’t do for Jack. And of course, she had Ramón. Ally couldn’t have been more thankful to have such great men in her life to be there for her when she needed them. 

“Guess it’s time to face the music,” she told her bump, moving her hand over it once. “No matter what, you’ll always have me.”

Grabbing her water bottle, purse, keys, and phone, she got in the car and made the drive from her home to the city. It was always stressful driving in traffic, but Ally found comfort in some of Jack’s music. Songs they played together and wrote together on the road. It brought back good memories of late nights spent at the piano with her lyric book and Jack giving her all kinds of ideas. Riding the motorcycle through Arizona and seeing how beautiful it was through his eyes as he told her about some of the better times in his childhood. It gave her a moment of peace to think about those memories before she parked in the open space at the label parking lot. Taking a deep breath, she got out and went inside to Rez’s office. 

“I’m glad you could come in today,” he said as he sat behind his desk. “I was beginning to worry you would cancel again.”

“I...it’s been tough,” she explained. “I’m still very much grieving and having a hard time.”

“I understand that...but we do have things we need to do Ally,” he replied. “Your European tour was postponed but we need to schedule it soon.”

“I’m not doing that,” she replied flatly. 

“Ally, you’ve been putting it off and we can’t just refund an entire tour,” Rez warned.

“Then reschedule it for next year because this year isn’t going to work,” she offered. She was not going to be going abroad when she was pregnant nor was she taking a newborn anywhere far from home.

“That’s not how this works...” he began.

“I just lost my husband, so I think that some fucking time to grieve and figure out my life isn’t impossible to ask for,” she snapped. 

“You can’t just dictate how this happens, Ally. Everyone has invested time and money into you and your career. Jack would want you to....” 

“I’m pregnant,” she finally said, interrupting him.

Rez was stunned into silence and didn’t have a quick comeback. Fucking finally. Ally stared him down as she moved her hand protectively to her bump. This was her future and she was certain that she was going to continue in this path to be a mother, even if it meant taking time off from her career and letting that take a back seat for the time being. Her baby came first. That much she had made perfectly clear when she decided to continue with her pregnancy. Her mother had abandoned her, but she wouldn’t do the same to her child.

“There...are people we can contact,” Rez said when he finally regained his words, hands folding on the desk in front of him.

“Are you...are you fucking serious?” she asked. “Are you seriously suggesting that I abort the baby? The only thing I have left of Jack? Have you lost your goddamn mind?”

Ally stood up from the chair and grabbed her purse. This meeting was over and she was not going to sit here and listen to him say she was making a mistake or something along those lines. For a while now, she had given in to changing her look and her sound, which was a sacrifice she had made to get herself launched in the world of music. But this? This was a step too far. He had no say in what choices she made in her personal life and if he was going to even suggest that she have an abortion, she was going to walk right out, career be damned. Nothing meant more to her than her child at this point and she knew where her priorities were. When she reached her car, her phone was already dialing the one person she knew would understand any of this.

“Hey Ally, are you okay?” Bobby’s voice was deep and gruff, but also comforting in a way. It reminded her of Jack.

“Yeah...um, can you come by the house today?” she asked. “I...told Rez about my pregnancy and it didn’t exactly go over well.”

“What did that self absorbed jackass say now?” Bobby always made her smile with his distaste for Rez. He told things like they were.

“He not so nonchalantly mentioned that there were people ‘we could contact’ and I blew up,” she said, air quoting around the vile thing Rez suggested. “How the hell can he even suggest that I have an abortion?! That is fucking insane!”

Bobby was quiet on the other end for a moment. “I’ll be there in a half hour.”

When she got off the phone, she paced around for a minute and then calmed down enough to sit down. Her hand went to her stomach and she rubbed her belly. There was nothing about this that she was willing to give up now. This baby was hers and Jack’s, so she was going to keep him or her and there was nothing Rez or anyone else could say about it that would change her mind. Charlie jumped up on the couch and rested his head on her thigh, making her smile a little as she scratched his ear.

“I know you’re not gonna walk out on me, are ya?” she asked, smiling at him. “You’re gonna be a big brother in a couple of months.”

Charlie licked her hand and she smiled. He was a wonderful dog and had been there for her night and day since Jack died, which she was so thankful for. He jerked his head up when he heard a knock at the door and barked as Ally got up and opened it up for Bobby.

“Now...what has this son of a bitch got in his mind thinking that he could even suggest that you have an abortion?” He came in and sat down with her on the couch. Bobby was clearly upset that this had even come up in conversation with Rez.

“He has lost his damn mind,” she said, running her hand through her hair. “I can’t even begin to think why he would even think to suggest it to me. He isn’t my husband and he isn’t the one who’s pregnant. I am. This is my baby.”

“And you have every right to make the choice for yourself, Ally. Not him.”

“I’m not going to do it. I’m keeping this baby.”

“And that’s your choice,” Bobby confirmed. “No one else can make that choice but you because this is your child. But you know I’m gonna be here every step of the way because that’s my niece or nephew.”

Ally smiled, “I’m thankful for that...and I know that Jack would be too. He loved you, you know.”

Bobby nodded. “He and I may have had our differences, but at the end of the day, he was still my little brother. And if there’s a piece of him left on this earth, then I want to be there.”

That was the truth. Ally knew that Bobby and Jack fought a lot when Jack was growing up and even after Jack got famous, especially when it came to Jack’s alcoholism. Their father had let that build up by making Jack his drinking buddy when he was just a teenager, fueling the monster inside that became the ugly part of Jack when he had been drinking. Ally and Bobby were both intimately familiar with that part and with the dark demons that hid inside of the man they loved. At the end of it, Ally still did not understand why Jack had taken his own life. They had talked about spending the summer together and about building a swimming pool in the backyard so he could continue to swim and do therapy. It still didn’t make sense to her and she probably would never understand. But she had a piece of him left and that was something that no one was going to take away from her.


End file.
